I got an email from “God” the other day. “I’m in San Mateo, California,” it said, and “pleased to update you on My Successful Arrival.”

God, it seems, is seeking sponsors to further the cause of The Resurrection. “Applicants may apply by email to god @llah.us.”

The email advised me to “stay calm, pray and welcome Me unto you so I may help you.”

“God” added:

1. Due to the nature of electronic communications, it is possible you may have difficulty reaching Allah, therefore, please accept this apology for any communication errors.

2. I personally respond within twenty-four hours or sooner.

3. Communications in English, please.

4. Due to the nature of divinity, it is possible this is the last message from God Allah to you personally.

5. There could be spiritual ramifications for your failure to comply.

I hit the delete key. But I obeyed the email in this only: I stayed calm. I also laughed. God needs sponsors? God uses email? God speaks only English?

In Matthew chapters 24-27, Jesus Christ talks about his second coming to earth — an effortless reentry for the Sovereign who created countless galaxies. He’ll return the same way he left after his death and resurrection: with clouds as his chariot and angels as his attendants. Every eye will see him, every knee will bow, and every believer will be gathered to join him.

We have two choices. Believe in the imposters — the writer of that email among them — and get taken in; or believe in Jesus Christ and get taken up. I don’t know how, exactly, and I don’t know when, but I know this: God’s plan is perfect and no sponsors are needed.

Taken in, or taken up? You choose.