Monday November 24, 2014

Good thing crime is not brain surgery


A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a pair of Alberta counterfeiters who got caught because their activities were advertised on Facebook.

That same week, RCMP stopped a driver in Kindersley for speeding. It turned out he had nine kilos of pot in his car.

Sound dumb? Hold on, because these folks are Einstein compared to some others.

Permanent morons

Take the case of two would-be burglars in Iowa. In planning their big payday, these two geniuses cleverly decided to disguise themselves. The only problem was they forgot the lesson from Burglary 101 on disguises. 1. Your disguise should obscure your features. 2. It should be easy to ditch after the crime.

Dumb and dumber, however, used permanent black markers on their faces. Surprisingly, this was a large fail. Not only did it not prevent their victims from describing them, but the cops simply had to look for the only two guys in town with permanent marker on their faces.

Mom of the year

Don't you hate it when you put your coffee on the roof of your car as you fumble with your keys then forget it is there and drive off? In June, a 19-year-old Arizona mother got home from a pot-smoking date with her boyfriend only to realize her baby was missing.

Fortunately witnesses who saw the child go flying off the vehicle called the fire department. Firefighters whisked the baby to hospital where she was listed as "perfectly OK" (except for the stigma of having an idiot for a mother).

Lay off the product

One of the classic side effects of smoking weed is a touch of paranoia. Perhaps having dipped a bit too much into his stash, a Regina man called the cops because he thought his house was surrounded by people with guns.

The police showed up, but didn't find any armed intruders. What they did find after being invited in to check the house, was a grow-op with more than 100 marijuana plants.

Slow down

In 2010, an Amish teenager in Leon, New York led cops on a low-speed chase after he allegedly ran a stop sign with his horse and buggy. He eluded the police cruiser for about a mile before taking a sharp turn too quickly overturning the cart.

He fled on foot, but was soon apprehended and charged with underage possession of alcohol, reckless endangerment, over-driving an animal, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.

Monster cheque

So, you want to start your own record company? Here's a great idea. Steal a cheque from your girlfriend's mother. Make out the cheque to your record company in the amount of $360 billion. Waltz into the Chase bank in Dallas and cash the cheque.

Whoah, hold the phone! $360 billion? Dude, where's your brain?

Fortunately for girlfriend's mom, the bank did its due diligence and called Dallas' finest.

Wait it gets better. This mastermind had a gun and some dope on him when the police arrived to arrest him for forgery. Tack on a few more counts of stupid.

And the winner is…

Maxi Sopo had it made. Having illegally obtained more than $200,000 in credit through bank fraud the 26-year-old was living it up in Cancun, Mexico. Of course, it's just not the same if you can't share your good fortune with friends.

And the more friends the better. Sopo befriended a former U.S. justice department official on Facebook. Needless to say, his extravagant lifestyle has taken a turn for the worse. Mexican jails have a bit of a reputation.



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