I’ve noticed recently The Bug has a bit of a passive aggressive streak.
The other day I had to leave the house, but couldn’t take her with me. I felt bad, so I got her a treat and took her out to the back yard. She cooperated, even sat down, which is the routine for getting a treat, but when I tried to give it to her, she pushed it away with her nose.
She showed me.
And isn’t that usually the way with passive aggressiveness? Who really gets hurt?
I’ve never really thought of myself as passive aggressive, but seeing as I am in the process of examining my shortcomings, I figured it couldn’t hurt to have a look.
First stop, Google. I was actually amazed at what psychologists consider passive aggressive behaviour. It is a long list, and, unfortunately, I saw a lot of myself in it even though I don’t often realize I’m doing it.
I caught myself the other day, in fact, when I was telling my wife about something that happened at work. Maybe I am doing it right now by writing about it.
In any event, someone arrived at work one morning wearing a lot of scent. I don’t know if it was a purposeful dousing of perfume or cologne or an ingredient in some shampoo or other personal care product, but to me, it was oppressive.
I have a very sensitive nose and strong scents have a tendency to irritate my sinuses and eyes. I am not allergic, per se, but I find it thoroughly unpleasant.
I am not alone, of course. It is so common, in fact, that many workplaces ban the use of personal scents. It started in government facilities where public services are provided. It is standard policy in all health care settings and recently I’ve noticed even some private businesses have signs up asking people to refrain.
A lot of those who aren’t affected really don’t get it. They think people like me recognize these scents as pleasant aromas, but are affected negatively by them. That’s not how it works. Most manufactured perfumes and colognes are as disgusting to me as smelling rotting garbage is to most people.
So, getting back to my wife, I was telling her how annoyed it made me that someone came into the office wafting this offensive reek, when I realized how passive aggressive it sounded.
She loves to wear perfume. In fact, she loves scents in all their various forms, potpourris, candles, Scentsy waxes, airsprays etc.
Most of the time, she is considerate of my sensitivity, but she still occasionally applies the wretched stuff when I’m around, but its nothing to be passive aggressive about.
No doubt The Bug is exhibiting her displeasure that I am going to leave her alone when pushes away her treat. Her passive aggressiveness makes me feel bad, but there’s not much I can do about it.
The difference, of course is that I can be mindful of how my actions and reactions impact other people. Active aggression might actually be better than passive aggression—at least it’s understandable--but there are better ways of dealing with people than any kind of aggression.
