I am not a morning person.
It’s not merely that I’m a late sleeper, though I am. While I find it easy to get up by 10 a.m. anything before that actually requires a bit of effort. But then, why do anything before 10:00? It’s a nice time, generally after sunrise and everyone else is awake as well.
That’s part of my issue with early mornings, there’s nothing you can do at 8:00 a.m. that wouldn’t be easier and more enjoyable in the early afternoon. While morning people have convinced themselves that early birds get the worm, as they say, there are plenty of worms to go around and the night owls aren’t exactly suffering.
The other problem with early morning is that it’s just a strange time of day. There’s an unsettling stillness in the air, as people and animals aren’t exactly up and active except for some of the more irritating birds. It feels wrong to be going around before the world has begun to wake up. Since it’s unnatural, it’s much better to just let me sleep some more.
We know it’s unnatural, and we know that really we should be sleeping in longer, and just shifting our day to meet our natural clocks. Human society has developed elaborate systems to try to work around the fact that society demands we get up early but we don’t particularly want to. Several levels of alarm clocks are the most obvious, but the worst is coffee.
I hate coffee, it’s a disgusting, foul substance that is not fit for consumption. I can’t tolerate the taste in any form and as a result I’m constantly running afoul of its fans, who are wrong. But coffee, beyond being unpalatable, exists in order to allow people to wake up before they’re supposed to.
Look at the entire culture around it and you have people talking about how they’re completely unable to function without their coffee, how they’re angry and irritable, how they just hate life until they get their caffeine hit.
If only they could just sleep another hour.
Sure, some of the talk around coffee is due to straight up caffeine addiction, but in general people are using coffee as a way to substitute actually sleeping as long as their body would like. Really, they have no choice, they have to get out and to work at an unreasonable hour and the coffee lets them do it. But maybe we have to reconsider when things start instead of pounding coffee to make them acceptable.
Plus, as someone who can’t stomach a cup of the vile liquid, I don’t have the same ability to wake up before it’s reasonable. As a result, my status as someone who is not a morning person is cemented. Personally, if everyone could just delay anything important happening until 10:00 a.m., that would be extremely convenient.