New snow removal strategy could save Yorkton $600K (Satire)

just the facts

A new proposed snow removal strategy could save the City of Yorkton hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Veteran councillor Randy Goulden explained:

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“We were in a committee of the whole meeting. Aaron [Kienle] was gazing at his hand, not really sure why, but out of the blue he said, ‘dudes, did you ever notice that when it gets warm outside, the snow melts?’”

Council handed the issue over to administration to produce a report, Goulden said. The report confirmed Kienle’s keen observation.

“It’s straight up science,” said roadways manager Clayton Werner. “Once the ambient temperature reaches approximately zero degrees Celcius, the snow cannot maintain its solid form and turns into a liquid that simply drains into the sewer system.”

Furthermore, the report went on to say that since climate records have been kept, every year there comes a point, approximately in May, that the average daily temperature is above zero.

“It’s remarkable,” said Goulden. “There was not a single exception dating back to the late 1800s, not one year that this hasn’t happened.”

After reviewing the report, Council came up with the new strategy to let nature take care of city’s snow problem.

“We felt that by stopping the use of costly equipment and staff to clear snow, if we just wait until spring, the snow will remove itself,” said Mayor Bob Maloney. “That could save us about $650,000 annually.”

Jenny Sirko, a resident of the Weinmaster area said she didn’t think she would notice much difference.

“It seems like that’s pretty much what they’re doing in our neighbourhood already,” she said.

Council is currently working on another plan to save even more money by not planting flowers in the summer.

“Stuff grows whether you plant or not,” said Kienle. “Especially those little yellow flowers, they’re, like, everywhere.”

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