Province to screen Alberta refugees for Saskatchewan values (satire)

just the facts

The latest job numbers from Statistics Canada has the provincial government floating a bold new plan to screen refugees from Alberta for Saskatchewan values.

“Regina still has one of the lowest jobless rates of any city in the country while Calgary is the highest,” said Premier Brad Wall, noting Calgary was at 9.8 per cent in February while Regina was 5.2 per cent. “We expect an influx of refugees and we just want to make sure they know and respect what we’re all about here.”

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According to a confidential source within the Saskatchewan party caucus, some of the values interprovincial immigrants will need to know and subscribe to are: that a sweater with a hood is called a bunny hug; that the correct beer to drink while cheering for the Saskatchewan Roughriders is Pilsner; that the most hated town in the province is Maple Creek; and that the correct etiquette for parking your car is diagonally across the yellow lines and with either your rear end sticking out into traffic or your front end encroaching the parking spot in front.

In a rare show of solidarity, the NDP fully supported the initiative.

“Normally we have our differences with the Sask Party, but obviously we all agree we can’t abide a bunch of Stampeders fans swilling Bud Lite in their hoodies invading the province,” said Trent Wotherspoon, interim NDP leader.

Joanne Bloue, a Ph. D. candidate in sociology at the University of Saskatchewan said some values are more important than others.

“Some values, like not knowing the correct football team to cheer for, might be an irritant, but some others could have an impact on the very fabric of Saskatchewan society,” she said. “For example, studies show Albertans tend to respond to conflict in a direct manner, whereas the correct Saskatchewan way is passive aggression.”

Construction of barricades at major border crossings is expected to begin in a couple of weeks.

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